#tbt - storm king art center in the fall

storm king, new york
fall 2017

#100daysofart: Good Grief! Though Not So Good ...

Day 88

Good grief was one of those antiquated terms thrown around in my childhood household.
It was exclaimed, essentially, when I was being a pain in the ass. Therefore, it seemed, grief must be akin to some sort of annoyance, inconvenience or frustration.

Not until I lost my father did I understand what grief truly meant.

One year ago today, my father was still alive.

Tomorrow, he was not.

The reality of that statement is like an algebraic equation around which I cannot quite wrap my head. 

The fact that one moment this person was here, and the next they were not is unfathomable to me. It has been 351 days and I still don't quite get it. Sure, the concept is simple enough, but the reality is a whole other ball of wax. 

It was explained to me by friend who I know it meant well that everyone dies and this was just the way my dad went out - in a tragically unexpected and painfully avoidable manner. She went on to inquire as to whether or not my parents had ever explained the concept of death to me. Only feeling mildly defensive I remained quite and contemplative.

I have been experiencing loss, in the form of death, since I was a little girl. The concept was not a new one for me. Sadness surrounding the passing of that loved one - that was old hat. That pang of missing someone when you want to call and tell them about a new movie or share a story and realizing, as you pick up the phone that you simply cant. I get that. But nothing quite prepares you for true grief. A short word, but a long process. 


Honestly, not until months and months later did the idea sink in, permeating every corner of my life and effecting my thoughts, feelings and actions. A dark pall cast over every decision, every statement. Sometimes I want to try to explain to people upon first meeting that this isn't really me, because my dad is no longer here. I want to talk to my bosses about how my performance in no way could be tip top because my mind is so constantly occupied, not thinking of anything in particular, yet everything all at once. My mind is utterly elsewhere. I want to let my partner know that I can be better, and I will be better, just as soon as they find a cure for this pesky grief. But, as any thoughtful adult knows, you simply cannot do that. Though Corky is no longer here to illustrate this point, life goes on - and so must I. 

I must face facts that I can only do the best I can with the given circumstances and, though the current ones may seem to suck ass - it is what it is. No excuses or explanations, only slowly chipping away at the crippling aspect of the aftermath and belief that things will get better and that the dark pall cast over my life will lift eventually and I will once again feel the sun on my face ... at least I hope so!

Try as you might to avoid grief, it gets you. #100 days of art was a project I took on both to feed my soul and to help me process; help me survive my grief. Below you can find the final days of my project, both random as well as fraught with meaning. Just like life.

Day 89

Day 90

Day 91

Day 92

Day 93

Day 94

Day 95

Day 96

Day 97

Day 98

Day 99

Day 100

#100daysofart: #keepwalkingkeepwinning

I chose to take on this project as a cathartic and positive way in which to focus my energy during a difficult time. At that time, 87 days ago, I did not anticipate things becoming MORE difficult, but I suppose that is just how life works out, sometimes. Below are a myriad of ways in which I have chosen to express myself, despite available resources, geographical location, or emotional state of well being. 

A wise man once hashtagged (seemingly oxymoronic, I know) #keepwalkingkeepwinning. I am putting faith in his words, his beliefs and his person and carrying on, moving forward and hopefully - winning. 

Day 68

Day 69

Day 70

Day 71

Day 72

Day 73

Day 74

Day 75

Day 76

Day 77

Day 78

Day 79

Day 80

Day 81

Day 82

Day 83

Day 85

Day 86

Day 87

#100daysofart: week 2, digging deep and making compromises

day 9 


Knowing this challenge would only become, well, more challenging traveling was only bound to add insult to injury - so to speak. With my first week under my belt I was feeling confident and seasoned and ready to take on the adventure of first, heading to Northern California, where I created the simple watercolor and pen portrait above, and next to Austin, Texas for work where I decided to use a handful of notecards I had taken from a fancy hotel several weeks back and create a DIY puzzle if you will with black felt tip pen, colored pencils, and the drag of my hand.

Day 10 brought a new medium into the mix with sewing, which I happily did with a dear friend and her daughter, using Martha Stewart as inspiration and a pile of felt and thread as our tools.

Making it a goal of mine not to only make something everyday, but make something different, maybe not everyday - but changing things up enough to not get bored with my own project, let alone anyone who might be keeping up with me, I went for duct tape wall art, a scribbled self portrait and a simple photograph of Our Lady of Angels I pause to admire each and every time I pass.

A few days in Texas with lots of work and limited access to the local Michael's I can only hope I keep an eye out for found objects and interesting opportunities to continue onto week three...

day 10 

day 11

day 12

day 13

day 14

 day 15

day 16