I have made it a point in my life to stay in touch with lovers from the past. I use the word lover loosely, as the level of intimacy I achieved with any of these men runs the gambit. For the most part, this has been a pleasurable experience, maintaining the connection I felt at some point but creating a less complicated relationship with limited expectations.
This does not seem to be standard practice and recently I have started to see why. It seems no matter how evolved or disinterested you think you are, the inevitable feelings of ickiness come creeping up. It was during a recent bout with ickniess that I had to take a moment, look myself in the mirror, and decide whether it was genuine emotion spurring these feelings, or simply ego. Our egos seem to get in the way of the decision making process from time to time and, as I get older, I learn to pause and evaluate it’s intrusion before taking action.
I am not arrogant or self-involved, however, I like most human beings am subject to the proverbial bruising of my ego. I find that since I seem hell bent on making my life as difficult as possible, this injury is often self-inflicted, making it all the more painful and frustrating. I am well versed at taking my lumps but that doesn’t make it any more awesome. It still sucks to do something foolish or stupid or downright mean and then have to own up to it. But alas… (Read More)
July 2011
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