Australian Hostels are Hostile

For those of you who travel, you likely understand what it feels like when you're on a trip and you feel both like you just arrived, and like you've been here forever. I suppose life is a bit like that as well. Just the other day I was a surly preteen dying my hair with manic panic purple and cranking up the Nirvana, and today I am some watered down 30-something version of that pubescent Briana. Good lord, did I really just say that?

But I digress. The past couple days have involved a couple of cities, a couple of hikes, and a couple of hundred hours in the car.

On Wednesday, I was once again up for the sunrise. I had some solo moments on our balcony before Jackie woke and we headed out for an early morning hike up to the lighthouse at Byron Bay. A little circuitous, but beautiful nonetheless to watch the fog burn off as we walked beside the ocean, even getting to spot a wild red haired kangaroo- a highlight for us both!

After a quick change, breakfast and WiFi were readily ingested at my new favorite cafe, Moka, before we said goodbye to this sweet little town and packed up the car for hours of winding through the Australian countryside. With more blocked roads our route became a bit more indirect as my blood pressure became a bit more irregular.

The countryside is lush and green and freckled with cows in every pasture. I loved watching is from the drivers seat - only problem is that makes it awfully difficult to photograph. Sometimes, when these things happen I figure it's ok, and those memories can be just for me to see. Like a visual secret I share only with myself.

What is not just for me to see is my ever expanding ass. When stuck in the car for hours, snacking seems to be a major pastime and after a quick stop at Aldi's for some fruit and vegies (that's how they spell veggies here) we immediately began to consume Tim Tams and Starburst babies. Can I just say that down here they have little gummy babies that look cherubic and happy, yet are meant to be masticated and swallowed. Might I also say that they are delicious. Kind of perverse - right?

After what seemed like 4 days in the car we rolled into Port Macquarie around sunset and headed straight to Port Macquarie Backpackers, a quaint shutter board home on a corner lot that ha a kitchen with a big bay windows and rooms without outlets.

Word on the street, or word from our Alaskan receptionist, was that Mc'y D's had the WiFi hook up so Jackie and I headed there for $4 sodas in the hope of some contact with the outside world. No such luck- the connection was slower than the can and string method of the days of yore. Having never dined at this establishment, and not planning on starting out now- we bounced.

Back and the hostel and not yet having had a real meal all day, I ate crackers and peanut butter on the floor of my door room and contemplated my existence while trying to mellow my frustrations with the workings of this country. The weather, cost of food and occasional aggressor has left me with a bad taste in my mouth - much like the Tim Tams.

That night, as I lay atop a bottom bunk with Arctic winds whipping me in the face from the ceiling fan from hell I could feel that irritation, that stress that rises from deep within your belly into your throat until you kick someone in the face- ok, maybe not actually kick someone in the face, but for sure think about it.

With road blocks, both literal and figurative at every turn of this journey I am feeling short tempered and exhausted and we've only just begun.

No choice but sleep, I closed my eyes, only to be awoken at 2 am but some late night check ins who were well meaning but noisy nonetheless and up again to watch the sunrise from the bay windows at the hostel.

Waking early has been a god send on this trip. I am not a morning person by nature, but with the time difference I am still adjusting, and going on morning hikes has been my favorite part of the day. Today Jackie and I walked from our hostel, to the beach, and did the Port Macquarie Coastal Hike, at one point scaling a small mountain to find a monument dedicated to a woman's husband who had drowned nearly 100 years prior trying to save his friend. Both eerie and beautiful.

After our 3 hour hike in the early morning sun of Australia we were feeling crispy and went back, showered and loaded up the car, yet again - this time Sydney bound.

We had been told that the weather was worse in the North and we would have no problem since we were now Southbound, but since this trip seems to be a living metaphorical embodiment of my life currently, that was bullshit. I can honestly say I have never driven through rain that intense before and doing it while driving on the wrong side of the road, seated on the wrong side of the car, was no small feat. Luckily, this storm also provided me the opportunity to bear witness to one of the most awe-inspiring natural wonders - lighting. Jackie and I saw a strike of lightning so close, so bright and so precisely on the mountainside next to our car that both of our jaws dropped - literally.

Not wanting to be struck ourselves, we moved on, eventually landing in Sydney. I want to say Sydney is beautiful and majestic at sunset, but it was overcast, stormy and congested with Friday evening rush hour traffic. So forgive me if I save the adjectives till a later date.

Will update soon.

Show Up, Breathe and Surrender

Father, please forgive me, as it has been several days since I last had access to Wifi.

The past two days went by in a blur of closed roads, thick air and mosquitoes.

Rising early on Tuesday morning I had a quick international chat with my father, who evidently cannot do math and thought a 4:45am phone call was totally appropriate. This allowed me to finish up some work, eat a free carbolicious breakfast, and check out of Bunk all before 10am. 

Ever since I was a little girl I have dreamed of visiting the Great Barrier Reef, and with it just a few short hours away, Jacks and I were determined to get there - no matter what the locals said! We had originally planned on heading out to Mt. Isa, an old mining town that is evidently authentic outback, but with all of the roads closed we were advised not to do so. The Amsterdamers from the night before were headed to Noosa, a small beach town up the coast from Brisbane, and that sounded ok with us, so north we headed.

Noosa was a fairly painless drive, with stops at both Steve Irwin's Australia Zoo and the Glass House Mountains along the way. I had not been to a zoo in many moons, and the open floor plan was greatly appreciated as I got to pet both koalas and kangaroos. Kangaroos may be my new favorite animal, with their lassez faire attitude and beautiful, doe-like faces. Good thing we got to touch the animals, because with a $60 entrance fee I should have expected a red carpet and an enclosure dedicated to my memory. Everybody says Australia is expensive, but its kind of like when you're a kid and you're parents tell you not to touch the stove, because its hot - so, of course - you touch it just to make sure. Well, the hefty price tag associated with the land down under is true. And my hand is burned.

Along the tourist motorway just past the zoo, are the Glass House Mountains, a series of wooded hills formed from some sort of historic volcanic happening. I would know more, but I have never really been the kind of girl to read the placards, so I enjoyed the breeze, took a couple of shots, and moved on.

Once in Noosa a sense of familiarity washed over me. Attractive Caucasian from Brisbane, or Clark Kent as Jackie and I have named him - mentioned that Australia is just like California, and as we rolled into the high priced, LuLu Lemon inspired beach town of Noosa, the smell of La Jolla or Laguna Niguel filled my nasal passages. Don't get me wrong, the beach was beautiful and laying in the warm breeze watching a surf school is a lovely way to spend an afternoon, but when its also available mere hours from your hometown, it can be a bit disappointing.

With my sights set on the GBR, I suggested we make our way as far North as possible, which led us on this beautifully scenic sunset drive to Gimpy, a town as beautiful as it's name. 

Gimpy, as one of the natives informed us, is a hillbilly town. We were able to locate some sort of outdoor arena for a team of undetermined purpose and a bar/restaurant/casino which housed the town drunkards who did not seem to mind at all that I had spent all day patronizing establishments sans pants, taking the barefoot attitude down here to a whole new level. Don't worry - I was wearing bathing suit bottoms. The Susan Powter bar keep had bad news for us - Gimpy and the surrounding areas had been hit hard by the 2013 cyclone and our passageway North was unlikely if not impossible. This was disheartening to say the least. We were at a loss of what to do and with our internal clocks still off by a good number of hours, we were exhausted.

So exhausted that we decided, at 8:30 pm to call it a night by cuddling up in the front seat of our economy vehicle and sleeping in our bathingsuits in the parking lot of said Casino hybrid. Sometimes I wonder if I am too old for this shit.

A combination of early morning wildlife chatter and a senior special bedtime led me to wake before dawn, take a leak in a public parking lot, brush my teeth with a bottle of water, and start a new day. ABC radio was no more promising than the night before and Jackie and I realized unless we wanted to star in our own quirky indie film by spending the week in this small backwoods town waiting for the waters to recede, we had to make a move. And the move was South.

This leg of the road trip offered me new insight into who I am. A) I am the kind of girl who will unapologetically walk into an AMP to order breakfast pantless and disheveled. B) I am the kind of girl who should ask questions before ordering overpriced breakfast menu items, as BBQ sauce is a staple here and C) I am the kind of girl who has started to find Rihanna songs prophetic.

Yes, the last one is disturbing to me as well. Taking turns driving on this portion back through Brisbane and further South I couldn't help but pay attention to the largely 90s based playlist on the radio and wonder why every song is about love. When nursing a broken heart the full length version of Guns and Roses 'November Rain' is equivalent to Chinese water torture and one's poor travelmate soon finds out that the waterworks can be triggered by nearly anything.

Moving on, when we rolled into the town Lonely Planet described as a hippie little town with holistic medicine an practices available, I once again was reminded of home as this could also most certainly be the Santa Cruz of Australia. Luckily I've always loved the central coast so Byron Bay was a welcomed stop.

After securing 2 beds in dorm room 24 at Aquarius backpackers, which sold us on free dinner and wifi only to later realize those were not entirely true, we ran to the beach to relax for a bit. 45 minutes on the beach and some parts of my body are red! I'm not sure if it's the ozone depleting or if the sun is on steriods down here, but my face has already aged 10 years, and I've been here less than a week.

Having done beach to parking lot accomodation to beach we were sufficiently disgusting and figured, what better way to bask in the glory of our filth than hit up the 6 pm Bikram Yoga class. A class, I might add did not have to humidify the room- because it is just that hot and sticky here! After burning out my retnas for 90 minutes with the salty sweat dripping from my brow the heavens opened up once again and to avoid the wet walk home, we were offered a ride from one of our fellow students, Jess- a musician. Luckily this lift allowed us to return to the hostel just in time for their 'free with purchase' dinner that looked like Gerber's for grownups but was happily digested after a long day of travel and sweat.

Back at the Aquarius we took a much needed shower, dressed in a room of Swedish 21 year olds and headed to the local cafe that will sell you a can of something they call lemonade for $3.50 but allow you to access their wifi in exchange- so it was basically heaven.

An hour of Internet time quenched my thirst and it was off to bed at 11 in an attempt to finally coordinate with the correct time zone.