i am not so sure i subscribe to this theory, as i tend to give little heed to things that resemble hocus pocus or mumbo jumbo. i will, however say goodbye to 2012 with great pleasure. pleasure in the futile belief that the numbers on the calendar moving forward will in turn push me forward and allow the torture of 2012 to fade like a scar incurred in childhood that is now just a distant memory along side eating paste and chasing boys around the schoolyard.
i am painfully aware that every day is a gift and that focusing on the positive aspects of one's life is essential in it's endurance, but there are times when being painfully aware is just plain old painful and for me, 2012 has been the embodiment of that emotion. with the amount of put-down-the-lady-bic-pep-talks i have bore witness to in the past several months i feel as though there is nothing more to say, or hear. i hope i take these words that have permeated both my ear drums and heart and am able to implement them into this mess i call a life.
ideally i would like to take the lessons of 2012 and with them create a more meaningful existence, with greater connection to my environment and fellow human beings. i would like to think that through the process of one's life imploding you see those to chose to remain close amongst the wreckage and invest even more deeply in those willing to see you at your lowest and most heinous. i want to believe that i am a more aware of who i am and what i want in life. it would be nice to feel like the old addage, what doesn't kills is makes us stronger, bears some weight in my given situation and that i am channeling my inner helen reddy as we speak, allowing my woman to roar - but sadly my ability to function within the realm of reality does not allow me to be so brave an optimistic and, instead just leaves me wanting to shout: dear 2012, i hate you!
lets just hope that 2013 at least pays for dinner first...
december 2012
